Notes for performance:

The words of the chorus need to be displayed on an overhead screen so that all the congregation can join in. These words alternate with blank screens (when someone else is speaking) and will need a deft operator who can follow the script and bring up the chorus’s words one second before they need to be spoken. The congregation will need to be told to read out everything that appears. Note that it won’t matter if they read everything in a flat unemotional way. In fact, it will probably sound more amusing if they do.

Party Animals

SHEPHERD: (enthusiastically, like a Butlins redcoat) Good morning, sheep!

CHORUS: Good morning, shepherd.

SHEPHERD: How are you this fine morning?

CHORUS: Very well thank you. How are you?

SHEPHERD: I’m feeling just tickety-boo today, because I’ve got some fantabulous news to share with you.

CHORUS: What news is that? Tell us, tell us.

SHEPHERD: We’ve been invited to a party. Isn’t that great.

CHORUS: Yes. We are very excited by the prospect. Will there be ginger beer?

SHEPHERD: My word, yes. Lashings of ginger beer and lemonade, and sausage rolls and cheese-flavoured cubes on sticks, and huge cream cakes covered with thick chocolate sauce, and buckets full of jelly and ice cream.

CHORUS: Oh, good. We like ice cream.

SHEPHERD: So fluff up your woolly coats, dust off your hooves and let’s go. It’s time to party on down.

CHORUS: But why are we partying on down? What are we celebrating?

SHEPHERD: The return of Gerald, of course!

CHORUS: Who?

SHEPHERD: Gerald the sheep. Come on, you must remember Gerald the sheep. He’s only been gone for 48 hours. Gerald! Come on up here!

GERALD: (entering) Hello, shepherd. Hello, sheep.

CHORUS: This is Gerald is it?

SHEPHERD: Of course this is Gerald. Don’t you remember him?

CHORUS: We’ve never seen him before in our life.

SHEPHERD: But he’s a sheep like you.

CHORUS: As far as we are concerned, all sheep look alike. What makes him special?

SHEPHERD: He’s special because he’s back.

CHORUS: Back from where?

SHEPHERD: Back from being lost. Why don’t you tell them, Gerald.

GERALD: Sure thing, shepherd. It’s like this, guys. Do you remember two days ago we were in that nice grassy meadow up by the crags? Well, there was this particularly juicy clump of grass tucked away behind a boulder. And when I say juicy, I mean way juicy. It was some class grass is what I’m saying. And I was so in the zone, munching away, that I lost all track of time. And next thing I know it’s dark and you lot have scarpered.

CHORUS: Weren’t you frightened?

GERALD: You bet your boots I was frightened. Go and count the sheep droppings if you don’t believe me. All night I wandered through the rocks and crags. By dawn I’d lost sight of the meadow and spent the day trying to find something to eat. No luck. Another night out in the wilderness, cold and hungry and terrified. I never realised it could be so spooky. Lions and tigers and scorpions lurking around every corner. You don’t know how lucky you are being tucked up safe in your pen every night. Anyway, another dawn, another day. But this time a miracle! There was the shepherd, making a beeline straight for me! I was saved!

SHEPHERD: So now do you see why we’re having a party?

CHORUS: Yes. Because some idiot sheep got lost.

SHEPHERD: No. Because some idiot sheep has been found.

CHORUS: But what about us? We never got lost. Don’t you care about us?

SHEPHERD: Of course I care about you. I care about all my sheep. That’s why you’re invited to the party. Gerald is safe. You’re safe. Everything is wonderful. Come on, what do you say?

CHORUS: Will the ice-cream be strawberry-flavoured?

SHEPHERD: Better than that. It’ll be strawberry cheesecake flavoured!

CHORUS: Hurrah! Let’s party on down.

SHEPHERD: Now you’re talking my language!